February 26th, 2015

The Dangers of Online Chat

A couple of months ago we launched our online chat service. It’s been a great success…but occasionally there’s a bit of mischief….

Here’s what happened today after we asked if there’s anything we can help with…

United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: No
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Actually…
John: Hi – can I help?
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Yes thank you.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: I’m starting a business creating rabbit hutches…
John: We can help with this sort of business – is there anything in particular that you need our help with?
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Yes, I’m unsure, exactly what size wire mesh to use. It’s like chicken wire… what would you John…
John: That’s not the sort of advice we give. We can help with accountancy and tax
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: hmmm… well that’s good. But I need to get this hutch specification right first otherwise the bunnies may escape.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: I’m hoping to go global with this.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: I need to get it right.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: But you can sort all the money and shit right?
John: We can help with accountancy and tax – you may wish to consult with your suppliers regarding hutch specifications
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Ok.. it’s all good. There’s a rabbit population estimated at 709 million in the world. They will all need a home.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Just a big idea a the moment.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Can I help you with anything else today John?
John: I think you’d need to consider what proportion of the world’s rabbit population is domesticated
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: … Aaaah…. so true.
John: That may reduce your market somewhat
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: But consider this John, some of those rabbits… well they are running wild and should really be housed, fed.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Hmmm….
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: I can also do guinea pigs.
John: You’d have to catch them first, or incur a considerable cost in employing people to do this for you. We provide payroll services to help with this
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Great, I’ve come to the right people.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: My nephew Billy is coming on board, so he’s the first staff member
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Basically, he has a wood work qualification and doesn’t talk too much.
John: Given the number of rabbits in need of catching, you would need to be aware of the working time directive
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Ok. Can I help you with anything else today John?
John: No I’m good thank you
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Ok, thank you. Good bye.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Good bye.
John: Bye
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: 80085… try that on your calculator… honest it’s dead funny.
John: I only have Excel for numbers
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Really?
John: More reliable and less mistakes
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Oh… but you can’t write BOOBS in numbers.
John: I’d rather try it on a calculator, Excel has commas and pence which ruin things
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Sorry I’ve got to go… my neighbour house has smoke coming from it.
John: 999
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Is that a quote?
John: Payroll only
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Ok… hmm.
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Can you do any cheaper. When it’s big, then 999 isn’t a problem. The wire will cost a few hundred
John: We can discuss this later – what about your neighbour’s house?
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: False alarm… just toast. Always doing it.
John: Aj good
United Kingdom (Liverpool)…: Ok. Bye for now. I’ll call in around june, when we’ve sold some at the Ideal Home Exhibition.
John: Excellent

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John manages a wide portfolio of owner managed businesses and oversees the smooth operation of the firm’s payroll department.

After obtaining his degree in mathematics from the University of Liverpool, John joined Jonathan Ford & Co in 2004 and qualified as a chartered accountant four years later. John likes to keep abreast of developments in tax and accounting and is responsible for the mentoring of junior staff.

Outside of work, John enjoys powerlifting and is a Liverpool FC season ticket holder.

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